Red Neck Rampage--- Learnin' The Next Generation | emerald's Blog

LEARN (red neck definition): To educate or teach a task.

         Not to be confused with:

LEARN YOU A LESSON: Spanking rear for misbehaving!

We're at a crucial " learnin'" stage with the Boy right now. He's 5, and we're burnin the mid-night oil, so to speak, trying to prepare him for Kindergarten. This has become quite the 'learning experience' .... for ME!

This child has become obstinate in our learning coarses. I have twine strung in 2 layers across the kids' bunk beds with Alphabet and Number cards hanging in place by clothes pins! I was trying to be creative and fun, and prompt His interrest! So now, he can't (or refuses) to recite the entire alphabet by himself, but he knows what letters to take down and re-pin to spell CAT. He can't spell DOG, but he's nearly mastered TRUCK! Give me two days... I'll have him spelling CZECHOSLOVAKIA before he can spell DOG! 

He counts to 10, then gets bored! I can see it now: Boy comes in and says he's caught 10, and  5 more fish. If I ask him how many that totals, he will say... Uh, 10-5?!

Ma decided to be helpful by getting a childrens' talking and learning computer. Let me say here, I'm not trying to anger any of my friends in here from England... but at this time in my son's life, he needs to learn Missouri-American to better get along with his peers. NOt start with the British accent of the computer! It took four tries to spell LAMP, because I thought the female voice was saying NIGHT, KNIGHT, then LIGHT!!! I never knew LAMP and NIGHT could rhyme in sound! And that voice! OMG, have you ever seen the movie Resident Evil?! The computerized child that tries to take over the facility, causing the zombie virus catastrophe??!! That computerized child... IS THE SAME VOICE on my Boy's computer! I'm waiting to wake up from a nightmare of hearing: It's a Z-O-M-B-I-E! Run you bloody wankers, R-U-N!!!! 

Believe it or not, the Red Neck has become actively involved in teaching his Boy, too. One night, after I'd gone to bed, I hear the Red Neck get out paper and pen, and tell the Boy they were going to 'learn the ABC's'. I listen in enterest. And hear," ...L...M...O...P..."  I cock my head quickly. Something isn't right! So I intensely listen for them to start the recitation again. And I hear, "... L...M...O...P!..." I smack my forehead! Tomorrow I will have to teach the Boy the letter N !!! For now... tooo T-I-R-E-D!!!! 

Beyond the academic skills, we are also trying (mostly unsuccessfully) to encorporate proper social skills and class room decorum. Sit quietly during lessons, don't speak out of turn, don't jump up and leave your desk or the room without permission. Kicking, punching, or wrestling are unacceptable. So is scissor or pencil gouging! The restroom is where the toilet sits, NOT the backside of the slide! And for Pete's Sake, don't use vocabulary skills of Shithead, ass, and 'gotta go piss'!!!! 

Something tells me I will be called to the Principal's office the first week of school, and be informed: Take this Boy home and LEARN HIM A LESSON!!!