Red Neck Rampage- Tis The Season | emerald's Blog

Came across an old memo with a friend in here, the other day.

Friend: Are you doing anything fun this weekend?

Me: No, unfortunately. I'm permitted one outting per season. Squirrel Season's coming up, though.... so ya never know! 

The friend laughed. Too bad I wasn't joking! :O Well, mostly. YOu see, most of the time my spare time or days revolve around keeping up with my kids. On the rarest occation (season), I'm allowed out for a few hours of time for myself. But most of the times I have the kids because Hubby is out hunting or playing. 

After giving it some thought, I've concluded my Red Neck man has TWO seasons (compared to our Four): Fishing and Hunting. Right now Hunting Season  is riddled with Holidays! Not Halloween, THanksgiving, or X-Mas. No, I mean Deer, Rabbit, Squirrel, and Turkey! 

These "Holidays" last for weeks at a time.Right now it's bow-only hunting on deer. Soon it will be rifle hunting, lasting a few weeks, and then back to bow. Between this, squirrel and rabbit are fair game. But until the first REAL cold snap hits, Red Neck won't touch rabbits due to some parasite they carry that can make a person sick if they eat the infected bunny.

I'll have to give the Red Neck credit for knowledge on trivial matters on game life, like the above. If I'm ever stranded in the wild alone, maybe I'll remember some of the things he's taught. I also know now, that you don't want to kill (for food) old, tough squirrels. And the way you tell the young "tender" from the "tough" older adults is: THe bigger the nuts, the older he is! And I don't mean the ones gathered in his cheeks for storage! I snorted when Red NEck told me this! "Huh! Doc. uses much this same procedure to determine our male patients!!" 

I also now know little secrets to bring in deer and turkey. I won't reveal them here, but let's just say my future red neck son thought for 6 months that a turkey actually made the sound of a hoot owl! Confused? Yeah, imagine how I was until it dawned on me he was trying to immitate an old hunter's secret!

But even through all these helpful hints, tips, and secrets, I can't help but shake my head in amusement AND frustration over the MOST important weapon of hunting: CAMOFLAUGE!

Camo-- the hunter's secret weapon to remain undetected while they sneak in, and settle amongst animal territory. The hard-core camo wearer gears up from head to boots. They know the difference between Mossy Oak, Real Tree-hard wood green, and Real Tree- forrest floor! And then, as is state hunting law, they shrug on ..... a FLORESCENT orange vest and hat! (to keep from being mistakenly shot by other hunters!).

It's all sad and laughable, really. Hunters argue that deer are color blind, and can't see the orange. Ok, so WHY the camo to hide the body then??!! Why?? Because some sales genious decided to take advantage of lower-than-average thinking and reasoning skills, and has reaped the benifits from camo- frinzied consumers! " Look like a warrior! Act like a warrior! And Shoot unarmed prey!" Oh, this propaganda WORKS, believe me! My red neck has a hall closet and "hunting room" to prove it!

Ironically, last year one of the biggest does brought in from the woods during a group hunt and camp in our area, was done by a Woman... wearing blue jeans and a sweat shirt! Huh, think Old Navy will give her a call for "promotional sales"?! They should! Take that, Real Tree!